Gratitude hit different when I actually understood it.
For years, I thought being grateful meant ignoring the hard stuff. You know that feeling – forcing a smile when your spirit is heavy, pretending everything’s fine when it’s definitely not. Between doom scrolling through social media, dodging unnecessary stress, and trying to protect our peace, the last thing we need is another performative practice.
But let me tell you about the day everything shifted.
I was sitting in my car, exhausted from a long day of looking after the baby, when my phone lit up with a call from my granny. Of course, she asked me how my plants were doing like she always does (lol) but one thing she always says before ending the call is “I love you a bushel and a half.” That call – so short, yet exactly what I needed – made me pause. At that moment, I felt it. Real gratitude. Not the forced kind, but the type that wells up from somewhere deep inside and reminds you that even in hard moments, there’s still light.
Science backs this up. Research shows that practicing authentic gratitude—not just a surface-level, “toxic positivity”—can improve our well-being. For example, Emmons and McCullough’s landmark study (2003) found that people who kept gratitude journals reported greater positive emotions and reduced stress compared to those who focused on daily hassles. But here’s what the research doesn’t tell you – how to make gratitude feel real when life is serving you both blessings and lessons.
This guide isn’t about plastering on a smile or pretending everything’s perfect. It’s about finding those genuine moments of appreciation, even when life is showing you its whole self. Because true gratitude? It’s not about denying your struggles. It’s about acknowledging that you can hold space for both the hard and the beautiful.
Ready to explore what real gratitude could look like in your life?
Understanding Real Gratitude:
Let me clear something up – gratitude isn’t about those cheesy Instagram quotes or pretending your life is perfect. It’s not about minimizing your struggles or comparing your journey to others. Real gratitude is like having a heart-to-heart with yourself, acknowledging both the sunshine and the storms.
And sometimes? Those storms taught us the most valuable lessons. Maybe it was that job rejection that pushed you to start your own business, or that relationship ending that helped you find your voice. Gratitude can live there too.
The Different Ways Gratitude Shows Up:
- Mindset Shifts
- Moving from “I have to” to “I get to”
- Finding lessons in the challenges
- Appreciating your growth journey
- Daily Recognition
- Small wins matter (yes, even getting out of bed some days)
- Quiet moments of peace
- Those text messages that come right when you need them
- Self-Appreciation
- Celebrating your resilience
- Honoring your boundaries
- Acknowledging your growth (even when others don’t see it)
Getting Started (The Real Way):
- Morning Practice (Keep It Simple):
- Take three deep breaths before checking your phone
- Notice one thing you’re looking forward to
- Give yourself grace for whatever yesterday held
- Evening Wind-Down:
- Reflect on one moment that brought peace
- Acknowledge one way you showed up for yourself
- Release what didn’t serve you
The “But What If…” Section:
Let’s address those doubts living in your mind:
“I don’t have time”
Start with one breath, one moment, one thought. You don’t need a 30-minute meditation practice or a leather-bound journal. Use your phone’s Notes app if that’s what works.
“Nothing seems to be going right”
That’s exactly when gratitude hits different. Sometimes gratitude looks like “I survived this day” or “My bed feels extra comfortable right now.” Start there.
“It feels fake”
Then make it real. Be honest about both your joys and struggles. Gratitude isn’t about pretending – it’s about perspective.
Your Personalized Gratitude Toolkit:
- For the Busy Days:
- Set phone reminders with self-love notes
- Use voice notes to capture grateful moments
- Keep a running list in your Notes app
- Take mental snapshots of peaceful moments
- For the Hard Days:
- Appreciate your strength in showing up
- Remember past storms you’ve weathered
- Connect with someone who gets it
- Find gratitude in small comforts
- Weekly Check-Ins: Instead of pressuring yourself to write daily entries that start feeling like a chore, try this:
- Sunday reflection on your personal growth
- Wednesday appreciation for midweek motivation
- Friday celebration of what you’ve handled
- Digital Gratitude (Because It’s 2024):
- Create a folder of screenshots that made you smile
- Save voice notes of happy moments
- Make a playlist of songs that remind you of good times
- Keep a private Instagram collection of your proud moments
Gratitude When Things Get Real:
- For Work Life:
- Celebrating small wins in hostile environments
- Finding growth in challenging situations
- Appreciating allies who speak up
- Recognizing your own professional evolution
- For Personal Growth:
- Acknowledging how far you’ve come
- Being thankful for lessons learned
- Appreciating your boundaries (even when others don’t)
- Celebrating choices that honor your peace
- For Relationships:
- Valuing authentic connections
- Appreciating those who get it without explanation
- Being grateful for growth that led to better boundaries
- Recognizing those who show up consistently
Your 30-Day Journey (The Flexible Version):
Week 1: Notice & Name
- Spot three good moments daily (big or small)
- Write them down or voice note them
- No pressure to find meaning – just notice
Week 2: Deepen & Reflect
- Add “because” to your grateful moments
- Example: “Grateful for my morning tea because it’s my peaceful moment”
- Connect moments to your personal growth
Week 3: Express & Share
- Tell someone what you appreciate about them
- Share a win with someone who celebrates you
- Write a thank you note (even if you never send it)
Week 4: Integrate & Flow
- Create simple rituals that work for your life
- Find patterns in what brings you joy
- Design your sustainable practice
When Gratitude Feels Hard: Remember, some days you’re grateful for:
- Making it through a tough meeting
- Having enough energy to cook
- A moment of quiet in the chaos
- Your strength to start over
- The wisdom to choose yourself
And that’s more than enough.
Conclusion: Building a gratitude practice isn’t about forcing positivity or ignoring reality. It’s about finding those pockets of light, even when the day feels heavy. Some days you’ll write pages in your journal, other days you’ll simply whisper “thank you” for making it through. Both are valid.
Your gratitude practice should feel as natural as your favorite playlist – something you turn to because it adds to your life, not because you should. Let it be flexible, let it be real, and most importantly, let it be yours.
Remember: You’re not just collecting moments of gratitude – you’re building a relationship with yourself. One that honors both your struggles and your triumphs, your tears and your joy.
Start where you are. Use what you have. Trust that it’s enough.
And yes, you’re doing just fine.
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