Welcome to my new series where I talk about the lessons I am learning as a new mom. I became a mom in October of 2024 and it has been a wild ride. Lots of ups and downs. I just can’t believe that I have a child. Nothing could have prepared me for how hard this was going to be. Don’t get me wrong, it’s great. I love my son but there are many days where I miss my old life. I talk to my life coach about that plenty.
The Overwhelming Reality of New Motherhood
Let me tell you something they don’t put in the baby books – becoming a mom will flip your entire world upside down in ways you never saw coming. I remember sitting in my living room a few weeks after bringing my son home, hadn’t showered in days, looking around at the chaos of burp cloths, unfolded laundry, and half-empty mugs of cold tea, thinking “What happened to my life?”
Some days I feel so in love with my baby that my heart might burst, and other days I find myself thinking about all the things I could be doing if I didn’t have a baby – all the content I could be making, all the places I could go, and, let’s be honest, just being able to pee alone. The guilt that comes with missing your old life is REAL, y’all.
I was not prepared for how isolating those early weeks months would feel. Even with my partner around, there were moments when I felt so overwhelmed I just wanted to scream or break down and cry. Everyone always asking how the new mom is doing, but do they really want to know how miserable I feel? I doubt it. So I put on a smile while trying to figure out how to function on two-hour sleep intervals.
And don’t even get me started on the hormones! One minute I’m crying tears of joy because my baby pooped for the first time, and the next I’m a raging b*tch because we’re out of my favorite snacks. The emotional rollercoaster is no joke.
Why Everyone’s Advice Just Isn’t Cutting It
When you have a baby, everybody will feel the need to give you their opinion whether you ask for it or not. People do that anyway, but it’s 10x worse when you have a baby. My mother-in-law has opinions about how I’m feeding him. My grandmother has theories about why he’s crying. Even the cashier at the grocery store wants to tell me that my baby should be wearing more layers.
It’s like suddenly having a baby turns you into public property where everyone feels entitled to comment on your choices. And the thing is – half of them contradict each other! My mom says one thing, the pediatrician says another, and that baby book I bought says something completely different.
The worst part? Most of this “help” isn’t actually helpful. It’s just more noise when you’re already overwhelmed. I remember one particularly rough day when my son wouldn’t stop crying, and I had three different people telling me three different things I should do. I ended up locking myself in the bathroom for five minutes just to get some peace.
What I needed wasn’t more advice – it was someone who would just listen. Someone who wouldn’t jump to solutions before understanding what I was actually going through.
Finding Someone Who Actually Listens: My Life Coach Experience
If you can afford it, definitely look into getting a life coach or therapist. My insurance wouldn’t completely cover the cost of a therapist, but a life coach is free through my husband’s wellness program, and so far, it’s working for me. I’m so thankful for this resource.
I actually put off reaching out for weeks. There was this voice in my head saying, “You should be able to handle this on your own. Other moms do it without help.” But let me tell you – that voice was dead wrong. Making that first appointment was one of the best decisions I’ve made since becoming a mom.
The main difference I’ve found between therapy and life coaching is the focus. Therapy sessions are often about processing past experiences and healing, while life coaching sessions are more about navigating your current challenges and building the future you want. Both are valuable, but right now, the forward-looking approach of coaching is exactly what I need.
For me, finding someone who fit my budget was important. I looked into several options before discovering the free service through my husband’s job. If you’re struggling with costs, check if your employer, health insurance, or even local community centers offer subsidized or sliding scale options. There are more resources out there than you might think.
The Power of Representation in Maternal Support
It’s so nice to just be able to talk to someone about what I’m going through. The best part is that she doesn’t try to give me unsolicited advice. She listens. Like really listens to what I have to say.
I also love that I was able to choose the right person for me from a huge database. You know I chose a Black woman. Hello representation! If curious, here’s a video I did talking about my first experience in therapy and why I specifically seek out Black women for my care. Representation is so important.
There’s something incredibly powerful about not having to explain certain aspects of my experience. When I talk about the pressure I feel to be a “strong Black mother” or how I navigate certain family dynamics within our culture, I don’t have to give a whole history lesson first. She gets it. That shared understanding creates a foundation of trust that makes our sessions so much more effective.
This doesn’t mean that only someone who shares your exact background can support you. But having someone who understands some of the cultural contexts of your life can make a huge difference. It means less time explaining and more time addressing what really matters.
If you’re looking for a culturally representative support person, resources like Therapy for Black Girls, Inclusive Therapists, or the Postpartum Support International directory can help connect you with professionals who understand your specific needs and background.
How a Good Support Person Empowers Rather Than Directs
What I love about my life coach is that she helps me work through whatever it is I happen to be complaining about at the time. She doesn’t just tell me what to do. She guides me and empowers me to come up with my own solutions. It’s so helpful.
This approach has been game-changing for me. In those early weeks of motherhood, I felt like I’d lost confidence in my ability to make decisions. With so many voices telling me what I “should” be doing, my own intuition got buried.
My life coach helps me dig through all the noise to find what feels right for ME. Instead of saying “You should sleep train using method X,” she asks questions like “What values are important to you in your parenting? What approaches align with those values?”
I remember one session where I was torn about whether to continue breastfeeding when I was really struggling with it. Instead of pushing me one way or the other, she helped me explore my feelings, consider practical factors, and ultimately make a decision I felt good about. The confidence I gained from that process has helped me with countless other parenting decisions since.
This kind of support doesn’t just solve the immediate problem – it builds your confidence as a parent in a way that direct advice never could. I’m learning to trust myself again, and that’s a gift that keeps giving.
Creating Your Own Support System Beyond Professional Help
While professional support has been invaluable for me, I’ve also learned the importance of building a broader support network. This includes:
- Finding your “no judgment” friend – that one person you can text at 3 AM with your deepest, darkest parenting thoughts who won’t judge you for them.
- Setting boundaries with the “advice-givers” in your life. I’ve started saying things like, “Thank you for sharing your experience. Right now I need more support than advice.”
- Connecting with other new moms who are in the trenches with you. Whether it’s through local mom groups, online communities, or apps like Peanut, finding people who are going through similar challenges right now is so important.
- Identifying the practical support people – those who will drop off a meal, hold the baby while you shower, or help with laundry without making you feel like you owe them.
I’ve found that motherhood requires different kinds of support. Sometimes you need emotional validation, sometimes you need practical help, and sometimes you need professional guidance. It’s okay to need all of these things!
The Journey Continues
Motherhood is teaching me so much about myself – both my strengths and my growing edges. Having someone who listens, really listens, has made all the difference in how I navigate this beautiful, chaotic journey.
The truth is, asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness – it’s one of the strongest, smartest things you can do as a new mom. We weren’t meant to do this alone, even though modern society often makes us feel like we should.
If you take nothing else from my rambling today, remember this: Find someone who listens. Find someone who gets you. Find someone who empowers rather than directs. Your motherhood journey will be so much richer for it.
Next time in the New Mom Diaries, I’ll be talking about how I’m reclaiming time despite being busier than ever with a new baby. Until then, be gentle with yourself. You’re doing better than you think.
Have you worked with a life coach or therapist as a new mom? I’d love to hear about your experience in the comments below!
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